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What
Is Democratization Of The Family? The democratization of the family, as I term it in The Hite Report on the Family, means two things: that relationships inside the family are becoming more equal that all members, especially the woman and man, make decisions equally, and give each other equal emotional support. It also means that now people have choices of kinds of families they form: families today need not only be of the reproductive type, but can include networks of friends, as well as 'single mother' families or dual mother families. Naysayers cry that these 'other families' are perverting society. They even accuse single mothers of creating 'criminal children'. Statistically, while there may be a connection between children's criminal behavior and poverty, there is no link between one-parent families and 'criminal psychology' in children. In fact, in my research, children who grow up with only their mothers, especially boys, can turn out to have much better relationships with women later in life. Not only do 'single mothers not cause 'criminal children'; if anything, the connection between crime and single mothers is the reverse, i.e., if violence is increasing in society, then it is increasing in the home too, thus causing more and more women to leave, and so become single mothers. To blame them (usually experiencing financial hardship) is simply scapegoating women for the problems in family and society -- nothing new! Individuals throughout the course of history have challenged institutions, and for the better: Martin Luther challenged the church officialdom of his time, Gandhi challenged the British government on behalf of Indian citizens, and Martin Luther King challenged the US government on behalf of blacks in the United States. Individuals have the right to challenge the official idea of the family, and to find improved ways of living their lives. Why should we think that institutions, including ideological, 'religious' institutions such as the 'traditional family', are 'good', and the individual who disagrees with them, is 'wrong'? Too many people, all their lives, live out a play-enacted version of themselves, a shadow-self tailored for public consumption, displaying 'appropriate' social behavior in public 'life', while underneath, in private, an undergrowth of confusing feelings of joy, fear, eroticism and pain exist, all jumbled together. This is beginning to change. Most people today have discovered in their own lives that trying to copy one archetype of how to construct their personal lives does not permit them to relate honestly to the people around them or on the level they would like. So they are seeking in their own lives to find what does work, thus leading to the diversity of choices we see today, and the new government statistics on changing lifestyles all over the Western world. What we are witnessing now - and participating in - is a revolution in the family. The way we live our lives, with whom and how, is being questioned and debated in a ground-breaking and important revolution. The fundamentalist reactionary forces that are calling for the 'preservation of family values', opposing this democratization, are wrong to insist that the revolution is causing harm, and have no statistical base for such claims. This is an excellent revolution that has been needed for a very long time. The problems we are seeing in 'the family' are caused by its antiquated authoritarianism, not by the humanizing and equalizing process of democratization now going on in family and private life. We should have faith in ourselves, believe in our own experience and history, not be afraid, but continue with confidence to the future.
Copyright 2005, Hite Research
International All rignts reserved.
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