Lesbianism:
Women's Sexual Expression Together
By Shere Hite
We live in a culture that needs to re-invent the way
people have their physical sexual intimate relations, and can learn
a lot from listening to how women have created sexual relations with
each other -- as well as enjoying what these women in my research
express.
Lesbian sexuality provides an opening in our minds about 'what sex
is'. The traditional scenario of sex, as explained in previous columns,
has been oppressive to women (and, ironically, to men); for example
it does not include the stimulation to orgasm that women usually find
effective. Therefore there should be more ways designed (by women)
to create the situations and type of stimulation they want -- but
how?
Men too, in my view, find sex too constraining, stressing in my research
that it puts pressure on them to be erect and 'on the hunt', aggressive,
to worry whether their penis is 'big enough' or 'hard enough'. Reflect:
isn't it ironic that if most people use birth control to prevent pregnancy
today, they are still so focused on 'the act' of reproductive sex?
They could diversify, sometimes have 'penetration', sometimes not;
male orgasm can take place in various ways, after all.
A solution, one way to create a new diverse kind of sexuality for
'the politics of equality' ('the new woman' and 'new man'), is to
envision a new kind of sexual intimacy. One rich source of enlightenment
on this topic of female 'natural' behavior (as opposed to the constrained
behavior most women exhibit during 'sex'), is how women together have
sex.
Do you want to revolutionize your sex life? Listen to these elegant
testimonies from women who have sex with other women, from my research,
and think about the practical ways you can apply what you read to
YOUR life:
"Sex with a woman includes: touching, kissing, smiling, looking
serious, embracing, talking, digital intercourse, caressing,
looking, cunnilingus, undressing, remembering later, making sounds,
sometimes gently biting, sometimes crying, and breathing and sighing
together."
"To relate to another woman physically, you just caress her body
the way you like to be caressed and/or the way she indicates she
likes. You explore love-making together and find out what works. I
don't think there are any 'cookbook' approaches that work in all situations--
thank goodness. For me it comes naturally."
"Technically, women together do what male and female together
do-touch and kiss and caress one another, except there's no
penis. (And I've yet to meet a lesbian who uses a dildo. I think that
is one great big male porno trip.) Sometimes it feels good to put
my nipple into her vagina, or vice versa. Cunnilingus is beautiful
too, either as participant or recipient. I donn't enjoy '69' -- it's
too distracting, too much happening at once for me to concentrate
on either of us. When I perform cunnilingus, I like to not only stroke
the inner lips and edges of her vagina with my tongue, but I also
like to suck her clitoris. This excites me very much and my partners
always seem to enjoy it. I also enjoy just holding each other very
closely, our thighs pressing against one another's genitals; or lying
diagonally with each other, our legs in a 'V' sort of scissors around
each others torsos, our vaginas warm, moist, happy, touching, our
hands holding."
"While the same places are kissed and touched
as with a man, the whole feeling is so different because of all the
psychological and emotional factors involved. The touches become different,
the kisses different--the whole aura is different."
'I feel as though women are natural sexual partners; breasts are beautiful,
all is beautiful; I like women's soft skin and softer feeling of muscles
with fat over them, finer fingers, smaller joints; Because I'm a woman,
I recognize more parts of a woman's genitalia -- I know and love intimately
every fold, every texture and variation of sensation; I often masturbated
with my woman lover (we wouldn't have even called it that, but there's
no word for what we did), we just did what felt best, and if one of
us couldn't make the other come, she'd take over while the one touched
some other part, kissed her breast or lay close and pressed against
her; Often I'd rub my own clitoris while she fucked me with her fingers
-- of course, the other way around, too.'
"Pressing mound of Venus against mound of Venus. Also cunnilingus
and even anal lingus! I love to press against her backside, riding
her, which feels heavenly."
'It's most stimulating to be in a sitting position facing my partner.
She also sits and presses her hand gently into me. This way I
can determine the speed and intensity of the movements. And we can
see each other, kiss, talk, and feel each other's breasts.' .
"We like to stimulate ourselves and neither of us feels embarrassed.
Sometimes, usually, if she comes before I do, she keeps making love
till I come but if she doesn't then I masturbate and she holds me
while I do and it's just the same as making love. I must be lying
face down to have an orgasm. I must be rubbing my clitoris against
a part of my lover's body or a soft object. (Before getting in this
position, I like my breasts to be sucked. I like that the best. I
also like manual clitoral stimulation and oral.) Then I get in a face-down
position. Sometimes my lover lies on top of my back and I rub against
a pillow or soft blanket and sometimes (usually) I lie on her back
and she stimulates herself manually and the feeling of the waves in
her hips and legs and my thighs and clitoris moving against her brings
me to orgasm."
"Being together with a woman is one of the most beautiful things
on earth. Recently, on New Year's Eve, I booked a hotel room and invited
my girlfriend. It cost me a bit, but then what the hell ... We checked
in (or I did, not sure about their gay-friendly policies at posh hotels
(she came along later), washed up and settled in, then went down to
dinner in their lavish dining room, but by I I p.m. we lefi to go
up to the room. We gazed out the window at the stars, then kissed
very deeply and declared our love (mostly she declared her love to
me), and I carried her to bed. (I lift weights.) I undressed her slowly,
playing with each part of her body and telling her what I was going
to do to her, while she moaned and pretended she didn't want anything
so violent ... I told her I was going to tape her, and she would have
to just take it, no matter what I put inside her nor how hard, that
she was lucky to be fucked by me and should keep quiet. This made
her moan Z the more (what I wanted) and I tied her arms together above
her head (while she protested). This gave me free access to her body,
to touch it and look at it any way I wanted. I went down on her and
kissed and licked her crotch until she couldn't take it any more and
begged me to make her come with my hand. I ignored this and started
to pA and tug at her nipples (I know she loves it), then she yelled
at the top of her voice demanding I fuck her with the candle I kept
holding and showing her-so loud I had to put my hand over her mouth
and 'threaten her with 'punishment' if she tried that again ... Soon
I couldn't resist coming so I stood up and made myself come in front
of her, then fell on top of her... anyway, this gives you some idea.
I love her a lot."
"I'm pregnant and I'm living with a woman. Everyone asks me,
doesn't she mind that yotire going to have a baby? They dodt realize,
of course I didn't have sex with him! It's all done outside the body,
he's just a friend (for a long time). She's keener than me for the
baby, it'll
be our baby not 'mine'. It'll have two mothers. I feel fine, I'm just
like I normally am, just that I have a bump in my tummy. Sexually,
I don't have any problems either, no big ups or downs and I like sex
as much as I normally do with her. It's so beautiful to explore her
body and feet her exploring mine, with all the changes. The other
day she was lying with her head on my stomach when we were in bed,
her fingers inside me, I was coming and she was listening to see if
the baby could feel our happiness. We are very close.'
"The first time she held me down and more or less raped me with
a big dildo, also using a bottle in MY ass, I didn't know what was
happening. I was on my back looking up at her, I felt incredibly turned
on. I came and came and came. Another time she pinned me down holding
my arms with one hand and clamping her other hand over my mouth while
wearing a dildo that she fucked me with ... She was looking down at
me daring me to scream or cry out. I diddt but my mouth was open and
gaping. She can really get me going!"
