Comment: I read an article in the New Scientists (June 2000) and I was quite impressed by the research you made in which you tried to unravel the mysteries about the female reproductive organ and orgasm. It has remained a taboo and I have always wanted to read an article that clearly describe it without withholding any information back. I think I will be glad to read any of your books if I am given more information how it could be purchased. Moreover, I think I like your personality as clearly demonstrated in the article, I think you are very frank and truthful!!! Thanks. O.

 Comment: I am writing from Florence, Italy.  I have found your address in a local weekly magazine, and am writing you for no reason other than letting you know that anything read, either written or said by you, has been greatly enjoyed.  My wonderful grandma, on my mother's side, was one of the early feminists at the beginning of 1900 in the Austrian Empire and parity among sexes has always been considered in my family as something not even worthy speaking about, simply obvious.  When feminism started being "a la page" during the 70's or so, I realized that its hysterical representatives were often simply adapting the silly old fashioned males' attitudes and behaviour, reversed (to then discover that in practice, quite a few shouted like that but in the shadow of reality willingly behaved in a submissive way their own grandmas would have felt ashamed of, a male chauvinist pig secretly keeping being the ideal man to so many apparently hard boiled feminists).  Even worst, far too often I noticed very smart ladies that were ruthlessly taking advantage of both old and new at the same time, for earning dishonest money.  I have never thought that there was any difference between sexes, and this includes the detail that neither of the two groups is made of devils or angels only.  It therefore has been quite a relief to discover in many writings your rationality and honesty in examining cases and topics: I am certain you do not lack admirers, one more of them now has name and surname.  D. P.

 Comment: I am a sociologist at the University of Trento and assistant director of IARD institute, the leading Italian institute for research on youth. I have had the opportunity to appreciate your books and articles. In 1998 we have conducted the first comprehensive survey of Italian youth population attitudes to sex, based on the 1250 face to face interviews to subjects aged 18 to 29. It would be nice to have your opinion on the results, which have been published in a book by Italian Academic Publisher Il Mulino. I would be glad to send a copy if you can read Italian - we are thinking of producing a summary in English somewhere in the near future. 
Sincerely M B

Comment: Wow!! I found myself in Aladdin's Cave.  There's a wealth of reading material that I haven't read and haven't even seen in our bookshops.  I live in Edinburgh, Scotland, by the way. Everyone is asking me what I want for Christmas so now I can tell them.  Loved your Art Exhibition.  It would be lovely to have a picture calendar of Women's Art.  I would like to encourage you to build up this exhibition. I could easily be intimidated by your huge output in books over the years and your top level Business Organisation.  However, the feminist in me knows that this has not been achieved without a great deal of pain and power struggles.  I have read a lot of books in my lifetime, and, just occasionally, an author will write things that I have known all my life.  Things I have deeply believed in but have never been told or been able to read in print.  I read a quote recently in a novel: "Truth is the Daughter of Time".  I don't know where the novelist got the quote.  I think I would extend it to " and Hite is the Daughter of Truth". 

I do appreciate you taking time to send me greetings and I think you're doing a great job for guys like me and all the Daughters of Eve. JR

Comment: I'm a 30 years old Italian girl. I'm reading all your articles in the Italian magazines and newspapers. I desire to thank you for the deep insight I 'm always finding in your articles and in your books. S. D.

Comment: Having read your interview in the New Scientist 10 June edition which described some of your work, I can honestly say I am very glad there is someone like you researching female sexuality. As a 26yr-old male, I'm as curious as any man about your findings and can tell you I find you and your research fascinating and very informative. Although I'm in a completely different line of work I appreciate your boldness and perseverance in this area of science and wish you all the best.
Very sincerely, M. N

Thank you- J

Comment: I am a 39 year old male with a very healthy attitude about women in the workplace. I am going to marry in a few months to a wonderfully bright 32 year old who works for a high tech consortium. Her expertise is in the area of training/development and other areas related to OD. She has worked very hard in her role to influence the three-male senior management team to take note of some necessary changes. She has been met with a number of roadblocks until recently. The CAO has recently requested that she work directly with him to help him develop skills in certain areas related to his management style. It is somewhat unclear as to what he is really wanting from her, personal coaching, action plans, etc.  This role with him, however it will be defined, is out of the normal functional scope of her work.  In addition her interaction with him causes her to jump out of the stated chain of command. I think that it could be an opportunity for her to genuinely help the organization and challenge her own skills. Unfortunately the culture of the organization is filled with stories of people falling in love or lust at work.

Comment: Honestly, I really do not think there is any way to work around this.  In my experience, sometimes you just get your socks knock off.  You cannot explain why or what is causing these emotions there just there.  But it is always up to you to decide whether to go with your emotions or not.  In my case I went with my emotions.  I do not know why but I did.  It has been almost two years off and on.

Comment: I think office romances can be dangerous when they work closely together, i.e. same dept. My friend dated her boss and it created many problems for them and others in the dept. If the romance is truly unknown to others (and it seldom is) it can possibly work...if they conduct themselves professionally in the office. I had one and it was disastrous! The minute one person suspects anything, everyone will be informed! Then the games begin!! P.

Comment: I read your book in English after having read in a newspaper about you promoting it here in Stockholm. They quoted you as saying something like: "As a professional woman, if you ask yourself whether you want to reach the top within your company and your answer is no, have you asked yourself the true reason why (gender related etc)?" Then I knew I had to read your book! When reading it I  recognised your perspective as when trying to discuss with someone more ignorant and inexperienced. One has all the factual background and understand the opponent’s train of thought and its context, but the conversation falters because the comprehension of the opponent is limited to his world only where his views are objective. Its not really a dialogue but a monologue, because one’s own view is suppressed for the sake of his. Does one make progress by constantly taking his ignorance into consideration when trying to convince him the world is more complex? Doesn’t it entertain his prejudice to politely keep it in mind, instead of bluntly confront him, claim what one is after and leave him stagnating with ideas how women babble, trap him with love, are lures, use their looks not minds, are birth machines, etc. I really admire your work. Sweden is supposedly the most equal country in the world and when reading reports from western cultures upholding in my view an even more dated approach than ours I can’t but be alarmed these thoughts still prevail both in men and women. M

Comment: We have not evolved sufficiently as a society to allow any flirtation in the workplace to go unpunished, I am about to lose my job, wife and probably my life shortly thereafter just because I flirted and some woman looking to cash in on a big lawsuit turned me in for sexual harassment. I am an honorable man and this is going to destroy me. J

Comment: A nice single boss recently becomes very angry with his unique woman (single, I am not sure the boss knows that or not) in his engineering group. But he is very nice to the women in his management group. Why? Because the woman does not dress up? Because the woman does not talk to him about something else except about work? because the woman is too smart? Because she is single and he is also single? The anger shows on his face and his words when she is talking about her work with him. He even dislikes greeting to her when they meet each other in the morning. What's wrong?.

Comment: First of all, I would like to congratulate you on your book and Website- Well done - I think today's society needs to get over these stereotypes, but also realize where to cross the line.  This leads to my question: My wife and I recently hit a few bumps when it comes to flirting at the office.  My office is quite conservative, which seems right, and a little bit of fun - no sexual innuendos.  My wife's office however is a traditional / industrial business dominated by males and "Pigs".  Flirting is excessive, and recently crossed the line in my opinion by taking it out of the office.  Though I have my own male / happily married/ husband opinion  - how do you differentiate right from wrong - and where the line is drawn - how does an office move away from this atmosphere before it leads to harassment?  E

Comment: My experience tells me that your book is right on. I am privy to stories and comments that women are not. My fiancée and I have discussions about these issues and she thinks that most men are innocent and uninterested in anything of a sexual nature at work.  I have given her examples of the things that men say about women in the workplace and she believes that I blow it out of proportion. I think that a majority of men look at women in the workplace as a person that is there to serve or tend to them in some manner, whether it be on an emotional level or in work role i.e. "file this" or "get me coffee". As you have pointed out in your book, I think most men do not understand how to relate to women in a healthy manner in the workplace. The old mental models embedded are bent toward romance/sex and make it difficult to relate in a serious legitimate manner.

Comment: It's a provocative question, but dumb. If the kids are healthy, they will still be healthy, whether the company likes it or not. Any intrusion into the private affairs of employees could land the company in court, on all kinds of charges stemming from their intrusion into private employee matters. A wise manager will just leave it alone. J

Comment: I had a very good friend who dumped me when she started having an affair on the job. She say she is not, But I know her too well. Why would a married Women spend all of time in a married mans face and ignore her best male of 13 years that was like a brother. We did every thing together at work. My kids called her Aunt. And one day she just stop going to lunch with me, when I would ask her what’s up, she would get upset about me asking questions about her and him going out to lunch all the time and just leave me sitting there, and for a while, would not ask me," would you like me to bring you something back to eat". She reported me for Harassment, and I was ordered to stay out of her personal life. You need to address more issues to this also with Sex and Business. By the way, The guy in this is also married and in the Navy.

Comment: I am a working women myself and never gave it a thought but about a year ago I started to look at my boss in a total different way! We work together a lot and realized that we have feelings for each other! It is very hard to keep your cool and do the right thing which is staying away from each other because the company we work for does not tolerate such things. It is possible to love someone even though nothing has happened yet. We respect each other and maybe someday we can be together but till then we need to be very strong about our feelings for each other.

Comment: Just to let you know, I've recently starting dating my colleague. From day 1 we have had negative feedback regarding this, but we find it great working together.  I think that both parties must know that when you are in the office, you are colleagues, after 5pm, you can be lovers again.  (Don't get me wrong; we have had our issues at work.  We are working on implementing a rule "No private arguments at the office.")  For those people who are unsure about pursuing a relationship at work, I say "Go for it!"  I would love to get your opinion, and if possible could you share some anonymous case studies.

Comment: I do not think that Men and Women were meant to work together as the modern populist culture purports, or tries to make society believe. Women truly do possess in some cases, the same if not more talent than men. To arrive at the Utopia that Shere Hite and others of such ilk wants, will mean that you have to change the basic Biology that governs much of men's and women's behavior. It is not something that cultural socialization will fix, men have the innate desire in their early developing stages to be involved in male groups, where self actualization takes place. This in no way turns all men into women haters, who throughout life has one goal in mind, and that is to stymie or stall the advancement of women. I suggest that women compete for the exact same $ with men in all endeavors, that is the only way that men will see women as deserving equal treatment in all spheres of conduct. Power and consequently money is the domain of men, modern life has taken away hunting! and food gathering as the primary occupier of the male species, thus men turned that innate drive to the pursuit of money and the toys which "supposedly" fills that gap. The "boys" groups that Shere Hite speaks of are not generic, there are cliques that just do not embrace all men due to the commonality of their gender, if it is difficult for some men to be admitted to some of these "Boys clubs" how then do you think it will be easy for women to have an easy walk-in. His Corporate Power and fame, and his gladiatorial inclination to sports, is his remaining two cards, men will not deal that out so bemusedly. He will continue to make changes, albeit token and cosmetic, but not tangible.

volevo solo esserle grata, delle sue parole scritte oggi sul Corriere della Sera, che sono giunte a me con lo stesso stupore di una profezia, pensieri rimuginati a lungo e poi scritti con tanta semplicità da lei. Il mio partecipare deriva dal fatto di vivere quotidianamente una lotta esteriore, da un lato una vita affettiva con una donna meravigliosa e dall'altra la realtà del paesello natale, o la dimensione ristretta di una città mai così fuori dal normale come Venezia, dunque realtà dove per mantenere una certa dignità bisogna nascondersi, bisogna auto ghettizzarsi tra simili. A quando allora tanta semplicità di scelta, tra un uomo o una donna o entrambi, senza doversene vergognare?. A quando la libertà di dichiararsi donna amante della donna, senza dover soccombere alle classificazioni di gay o lesbica, etero o omo?. Ho paura che la risposta non sia gratificante, ma allora che si fa?, dobbiamo pensare a noi come i martiri che stanno facilitando il futuro?. Comunque grazie del suo bellissimo pensiero, peccato che qui sia ancora un'utopia. Cordiali saluti.  E

Ho trovato il suo articolo (Corriere della Sera, 170800) estremamente interessante e soprattutto ricco di una riflessione degni di una ricerca apporfondita. Non sono un ricercatore e nemmeno sono uno studioso inserito nel clima del dibattitto, mi occupo di Comunicazione e multimedialità. Tuttavia, se mi permettete, non riesco a ritrovarmi all'idea che il genere maschile agli albori dell'adolescenza, sviluppi un "anti-pro" femminista, cioé il desiderio e contemporaneo disprezzo verso il genere opposto.Non posso capacitarmi all'idea che il disprezzo per le donne nasca dal distacco materno. Dall'articolo in questione non emerge alcuna prova scientifica in grado di supportare la sua teoria. Vorrei se possibile, naturalmente senza voler "rubare" tempo prezioso ai vostri studi, ricevere una chiarificazione scientifica più appropriata e chiara. Mi scuso in oltre della probabile superficialità della mia critica, ma come ho detto sono un profano, affascinato dall'argomento.
Rimango in attesa di una sua risposta o di vostri successivi articoli in materia. I Miei Migliori Saluti P.P.

Vorrei fare un'appello a tutte le donne che leggono la sua rubrica. Non riesco a capire perchè a questo mondo un ragazzo può andare a letto con quante donne e vuole e nessuno gli dice niente, anzi, passa per un Don Giovanni, mente se una ragazza va a letto con più di un ragazzo passa
subito per una poco di buono. Io ho 18 anni e da l'anno scorso, quando sto con un ragazzo, faccio l'amore con lui, perchè ritengo che sia molto bello avere dei momenti di totale intimità con il partner, dei momenti in cui si è
completamente indifesi e ci si mette a nudo davanti a lui (ovviamente non intendo solo dal punto di vista fisico). Perchè, allora, la magior parte dei ragazzi e delle ragazze che conosco giudica il mio atteggiamento errato? Non dovremmo vivere in un'epoca in cui il sesso non è più un tabù? Mi aiuti lei a capire se appartengo davvero alla categoria "prostitute" o se in realtà sono una ragazza assolutamente normale. Grazie per l'attenzione A.

Volevo rispondere alla ragazza di 31 anni che ha mandato la lettera nel numero di IO DONNA  nr 16 del 15/04/2000 alla rubrica INFO/AMORE ED EROS di Shere Hite: "Ce ne fossero di donne cosi" in una societa' come la nostra dove l'immagine e' alla base di tutto, dove basta farsi notare x essere notate, si perde il senso del contenuto mentre acquista sempre di piu il gusto del vedere, ma poi quando alla fine si traggono i risultati, non rimane che assaporare poco o niente dei contenuti. L'essere SEXY in una donna non ha niente a vedere sul come si veste,o come segue la moda, ma e' qualcosa di piu' qualcosa che e' dentro ogni donna e che si scatena sempre di piu' nel rapporto con il propio partner. Ci si accorge infatti che ragazze con minigonne attillate o fisici da capogiro o trucchi bollenti non rispondono ai nostri ideali di donna. Si queste donne che oggi vogliono sempre piu prendere il posto degli uomini e uomini che vogliono sempre di piu' prendere il posto delle donne. Non sarebbe il caso di fare un passo indietro ogniuno e ritornare ai vecchi ruoli l'asciando pero' a tutti la propria liberta'?

sono un uomo di quasi trent'anni e Le scrivo in italiano non avendo una soddisfacente padronanza dell'inglese. Leggo con molto interesse i Suoi articoli che quotidianamente vengono pubblicati sul " Corriere della Sera ". Tale interesse deriva anche (ma non solo) da un lungo percorso psicoterapeutico durante il quale, tuttavia, il tema della sessualità è stato affrontato in maniera marginale per mia precisa volontà. Volevo farLe i miei modesti complimenti per la Sua competenza e per la chiarezza espositiva che caratterizza i Suoi articoli, essendo sempre rimasto affascinato dalle persone che riescono a trattare e divulgare in termini scientifici il tema della sessualità, con assolutà serenità d'animo, di spirito e di cuore.

Cordiali Saluti. A. S.

ciao,
ho appena finito di leggere il numero di "Io Donna" in cui rispondi ad
una ragazza di Torino che non sa come (ri)cominciare una vita da
lesbica. Ho molto apprezzato la tua risposta, ma forse a Marisa
sarebbero stati piu' utili dei consigli pratici...

Associazioni gay e lesbiche di torino:
Circolo Arci "Bridge"
Via Monterosa 125 - Torino
Arcigay Maurice
V. della Basilica, 3/5 - Torino
011.5211116
Informagay
V. Santa Chiara 1 - Torino
011.5212033
(per i siti internet clicare qua)

Siamo due amiche di Bologna di 25 anni.Vorremmo sottoporre alla sua attenzione la nostra curiosa esperienza comune. Ci è capitato, in momenti diversi e separatamente, di fare lo stesso sogno a sfondo sessuale: desideravamo intensamente di masturbarci ma non avevamo la possibilità di soddisfare questo bisogno a causa di impedimenti vari. Ogni volta che, finalmente sole, eravamo sul punto di farlo, interveniva qualcuno o qualcosa a impedircelo provocando in noi, allo stesso tempo, una maggiore eccitazione e un forte senso di mortificazione. Le saremmo grate se ci aiutasse a interpretare questo sogno ricorrente che ci ha molto incuriosite. A e E